I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
