somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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