You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
