I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
