If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
