Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
