I could make wine with my vomit
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
