it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
