he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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