I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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