It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
