i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
