So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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