So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
