How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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