so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
