TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
