This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Randomize
