god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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