Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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