I've blown a few things in my day
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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