My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
