i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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