weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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