You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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