p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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