well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
