i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize