Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it hurts more in the daytime
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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