can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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