I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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