The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
