Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
