My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
