on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
