so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
