just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
