sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
