yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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