I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
