the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
