he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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