We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
