I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
