never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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