Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
