Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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