who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
