i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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