Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
