T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
