I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
