i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
