I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
never play flip cup with pint glasses
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
