the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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