We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
