I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
